Did someone throw up on your sweater?

I see she got the matching fingernails...classy.

Happy Monday before Christmas everyone! I’m sure there is no stress in your life today, especially since all of my readers have had their Christmas shopping done for a month. Right?

Today’s topic is a couple of weeks old and could have/maybe should have been discussed in the first or second whine about Christmas, but I waited until today. That said, I have a question: Do you have a Christmas sweater in your closet that shouldn’t see the light of day? How about one with yarn hanging off it representing snow? Or maybe even one with lights? Those are pretty rare, but I’ve seen one within the last 10 days. There could be one with bells? Or glitter? Or a big bow?

While I fully accept that tacky Christmas sweaters are a part of the season (and arguably, one of the least annoying parts), I still don’t understand them. Why would any mother, grandmother or crazy aunt think it’s a good idea to put on something that makes them look like the ugliest present under the tree? There are even web sites out there to help folks find the perfect ugly sweater.

Here’s another question, aimed at the sweaters with very intricate beading, sequins or lights of some sort. When was the last time they were washed? 1992? I’m sure it smells great, especially considering the fact that it’s been worn twice a week every December for the last decade. No way it would be musty or anything. Not a chance.

Last thing on sweaters: why in the heck have they become the reason (in some cases, the only reason) for people to have parties? Is your life — and group of friends — so truly pathetic that the only idea you can come up with for a party during the holidays is to have everyone dress like someone from Who-ville?

Stay tuned in the next couple of days. Since I’m the world’s worst procrastinator I will be braving malls and stores today and Wednesday. At some point I’m going to have to touch on retail. That could get ugly. Until then…I leave you with Band Aid.

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