Grow a pair and say Merry Christmas

Christmas is getting closer by the minute. In just over three days now we’ll all be opening terrible neck ties, hideous sweaters and gift cards to places we never shop. And we’ll do it with the biggest smiles ever.

One interesting discussion that seems to creep up ever year is the decision of how to greet people during the time period between Black Friday and sometime during the first week or two of January. Is it Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays or the oh-so-awkward Season’s Greetings? Basically, do you walk the politically correct line or not?

Let’s consider the definition of the word politically correct.

Merriam-Wesbter

Conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated.

Urban Dictionary

A way that we speak in America so we don’t offend whining pussies.

Did someone throw up on your sweater?

I see she got the matching fingernails...classy.

Happy Monday before Christmas everyone! I’m sure there is no stress in your life today, especially since all of my readers have had their Christmas shopping done for a month. Right?

Today’s topic is a couple of weeks old and could have/maybe should have been discussed in the first or second whine about Christmas, but I waited until today. That said, I have a question: Do you have a Christmas sweater in your closet that shouldn’t see the light of day? How about one with yarn hanging off it representing snow? Or maybe even one with lights? Those are pretty rare, but I’ve seen one within the last 10 days. There could be one with bells? Or glitter? Or a big bow?

While I fully accept that tacky Christmas sweaters are a part of the season (and arguably, one of the least annoying parts), I still don’t understand them. Why would any mother, grandmother or crazy aunt think it’s a good idea to put on something that makes them look like the ugliest present under the tree? There are even web sites out there to help folks find the perfect ugly sweater.

Here’s another question, aimed at the sweaters with very intricate beading, sequins or lights of some sort. When was the last time they were washed? 1992? I’m sure it smells great, especially considering the fact that it’s been worn twice a week every December for the last decade. No way it would be musty or anything. Not a chance.

Last thing on sweaters: why in the heck have they become the reason (in some cases, the only reason) for people to have parties? Is your life — and group of friends — so truly pathetic that the only idea you can come up with for a party during the holidays is to have everyone dress like someone from Who-ville?

Stay tuned in the next couple of days. Since I’m the world’s worst procrastinator I will be braving malls and stores today and Wednesday. At some point I’m going to have to touch on retail. That could get ugly. Until then…I leave you with Band Aid.

Welcome to Crossroads Plaza, good luck turning left

I'm surprised there isn't a traffic jam in Crossroads on Google Images

First of all, I apologize to those people not anywhere near the Raleigh area reading this. You won’t have any appreciation for the topic of today’s post, but for your sake, just think of your least favorite shopping center in the area where you live and multiply it by 30 in your head. It should do the trick.

Crossroads Plaza (I thought it was just Crossroads shopping center, but it is in Cary, so Plaza is a lot more appropriate) is an open air shopping center with about 60 different shops and restaurants right at the corner of where U.S. 1, Interstate 40 and the 440 Beltline come together between the main section of Cary and Raleigh. It’s also a place where on Saturday’s, especially the one right before Christmas, you simply cannot turn left. It’s literally impossible.

I made the mistake of venturing inside the plaza yesterday and saw vehicles attempt things I never thought I would. A Honda Civic up on a curb, a Toyota Tundra just hanging out in the middle of a four-way stop for five minutes, I think you get the point. And then the snow started. Snow always helps drivers in North Carolina perform better. At one point, actually at several points, I feared for my life.

The problem with Crossroads, for those who haven’t been there, is that the design of the place doesn’t exactly allow for great traffic flow. In fact, around 3 p.m. Saturday, I’d say there was actually NO traffic flow. Crossroads traffic is the type of traffic that confuses you. It makes you question everything you know about how stop lights should work. And it makes you call your friends so that you can describe the retardedness (I’ll always find a way to sneak this word in my posts).

Here’s some free advice for those of you who haven’t finished with your Christmas shopping. Don’t go to Crossroads this week. Unless you have a two or three hours to spare, save yourself the trouble.

Seven days until Christmas, shoot me now

Christmas is a week away. Holy freakin’ crap. I should be out shopping since I haven’t done any, but instead, I’ve been scouring YouTube to find some of the worst Christmas songs ever recorded. It’s not that hard.

For your enjoyment, there will be one post per day this week with something to do about Christmas. I would never be able to fit in all the terrible songs and complaints in one post next Wednesday, so I’m going to spread my Scroogery all week long.

For today, I’ll just leave you with a song, but after I brave two shopping malls today, I can assure you I’ll have some interesting material for tomorrow and beyond. No. 7 on the list of worst songs, “Last Christmas” by Wham!. The hair might be worse than the song….maybe.

Wednesday Whine: Things I Hate About Christmas, Part II

These folks look like they are just full of Christmas Spirit!

Another week, another more lengthy list of things that drive me crazy. As I said last week, the December whines will all be about Christmas and everything that is wrong with it. This really started with the discussion of Black Friday in November, but you get the point.

This week I’ve seen crazy lines in places like Walgreen’s and Target, I’ve waited at lights in Crossroads Shopping Center for a total of four hours and I’ve seen the online deadline for ordering before Christmas come and go. Luckily, I ordered my little brothers Oakland Raiders football uniform just in time. Don’t ask, it’s a long story.

I also got plenty of feedback from last week’s discussion of Christmas car decorations and painful Christmas music. An anonymous friend of mine had some of the best suggestions in her comment last Wednesday and even pointed out a Santa vs. Macy’s lawsuit.

What about awful Christmas themed outfits? What about that one person in the crowd of every Christmas activity that has to say something about Hanukkah? Or in the hopes of not alienating any costumers, it is now the “Holiday Season” and you can’t say “Merry Christmas” but “Happy Holidays?” The profusion of Christmas movies that have very little to do with Christmas and more to do with cute talking animals?

Those are all extremely valid topics which will be discussed, but not today. Today I’d like to talk a little bit about gift giving and receiving. More specifically, the process of gift giving and receiving.

Smith’s return may not mean immediate success for Wolfpack

As NC State prepares to take on Youngstown State Thursday evening and Arizona Sunday, senior forward Tracy Smith looks closer than ever to returning to the court for the first time since min-November. Sidney Lowe said over the weekend that he’d love to see Smith get some playing time Thursday and expects him to be ready to go Sunday against the Wildcats.

WRAL: Sidney Lowe “concerned” with health of his team

The real key will be getting Smith healthy and back into the lineup. After the Wolfpack’s win this past weekend Lowe said that Smith would be ready in time for the Dec. 19 home game against Arizona, the Wolfpack’s biggest non-conference game remaining on the schedule. He added that he’d even like to get Smith action before that game. But whether you see Smith on Thursday against Youngstown State is still up in the air.

“I think it’s important that we make sure that he’s ready to go. This is not a sprint. We want to make sure he’s ready to go and once he’s back that he doesn’t have that setback because we brought him back too soon. That’s what we’re doing,” Lowe said on his Wolfpack Sports Network show.

“We’re being a little cautious. We certainly miss him. We certainly need him. But I think it’s good for the other guys to get this time to play, grow and mature. Then when we get Tracy back that will make us a little stronger.”

There is no doubting that losing Tracy Smith more than three weeks ago has hurt the Wolfpack. NC State has lost three times since his arthroscopic knee surgery and has struggled with offensive consistency more times than many expected coming into the season.

But with it looking more and more like Smith will see some action against Youngstown State Thursday night as NC State prepares for its meeting with Arizona Sunday, the discussion about an NC State turnaround has already started. The “once Tracy is back everything will be ok” sort of mindset is taking hold.

As much as I can’t stand listening to Lee Corso, I have to say it — not so fast my friends.

While Smith’s return will certainly be a great thing for NC State long-term, I wouldn’t expect the Wolfpack to become a well-oiled machine by the middle of next week, and neither should you. Save yourself the frustration.

While Smith’s injury has hurt NC State’s chances to win in some games during the last three weeks, it’s also given other players the opportunity to step up and take ownership of new roles. Sophomore DeShawn Painter’s minutes have gone through the roof, and for the most part, he’s responded. Fellow sophomore Richard Howell has also seen an increase in playing time. When Smith returns, there will be a necessary period of adjustment. That period has the potential to be bumpy.

To all the NC State fans expecting a different team once Smith returns, be patient. NC State has the talent to figure this thing out and win more than it loses once ACC play begins in early January, but it’s a process, not an event like the return of Smith will certainly be.

At least Oregon will look cool losing to Cam Newton

With the National Championship less than a month away, the ever-growing buzz about the game is in full force. Every day there seems to be more to read and hear as experts everywhere start analyzing and making predictions. Before you know it, the 34 other bowls will be in the books and we’ll all be sitting down to watch Auburn take on Oregon in Glendale Jan. 10. The countdown has officially begun.

Tuesday morning, the long-awaited discussion of jerseys got going thanks to Darren Rovell, Phil Knight and yellowish green socks. Thank God for Nike money.

Could those uniforms get any better? I know there are plenty of middle aged guys out there screaming about Penn State and tradition, but these are great. At least Oregon’s defenders will look good trying to tackle the machine that is Cam Newton.

On the Auburn side of the equation, there hasn’t been much released yet. Rovell posted some pics of Under Armour gloves and cleats, but there has been no indication of anything different for Auburn’s jerseys. I would expect the standard blue jersey with orange trim and white pants.

Obviously what the teams are wearing won’t matter a bit once they are on the field, but until that time actually comes, I’ll continue my Nike swooning. Step your game up Under Armour.